she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
