dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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