you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
