you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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