btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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