I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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