Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
