dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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