dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
