i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
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