i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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