GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
