meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
