I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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