We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
