Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Randomize
