Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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