So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
