I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
