Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
