There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Boobs speak an international language.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
