i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
