i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
