Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
