So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
