I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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