The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you traded sex for a burrito?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
