She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
