I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
