Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
