he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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