It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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