i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
