big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
