I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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