Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
