sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
