Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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