good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
