True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
