Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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