May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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