worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
