Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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