Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
