I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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