Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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