good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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