I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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