Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
