I'm eating all of the evidence.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
