first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
