what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
